Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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