Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
