Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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