If i come over, it means nothing
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
