I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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