Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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