Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
