I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
