In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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