your room smells of hookers.
And success
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize