I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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