She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
