6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
