what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
