I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
