He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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