Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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