There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
