she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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