I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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