Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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