even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We need to rekindle our bromance
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
