this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
