escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
