the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
