How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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