Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
