i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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