Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
