Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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