Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i out mim tonsoeep
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
