What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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