Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
