You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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