hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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