He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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