I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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