Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
