I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
