i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
