i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
try to milk me bitch
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