Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Someone came in the potted fern
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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