mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
