I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
