I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
