over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
