goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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