And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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