does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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