Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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