Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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