u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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