you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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