Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
