you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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