I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
