awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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