he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Be still, my beating vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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