he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
