Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
