well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
