I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
