We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've blown a few things in my day
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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