you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
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I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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