Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
