Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
