im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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