Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
