if i can run in heels then i can drive
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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