worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize