I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
